*Clicks open briefcase* psst...you like content?

“Ten enter. Ten leave.” ... Last night’s Democratic debate was perhaps the least exciting, least consequential battle royale in history. Bernie Sanders … was there. Joe Biden … was there. Elizabeth Warren … was there. Beto O’Rourke … is a nice guy. And Julián Castro teased Joe Biden for being old, employing the tried and true political strategy of offending the nation’s largest voting bloc. Here’s some content:

[Miscellany’s Smart Brevity™©™ count: 481 words … The heat death of the universe will draw only .0000000000000000000005% nearer after reading this.]

A profile of Trump rally regulars, for whom nothing is cooler than wearing the band’s t-shirt to the concert. That and racism. 

Good news for all of you who like staring intently into a circa-1994 IBM desktop and loudly tapping the keys: zoom and enhance is here. Say goodbye, secret Libyan arms depot! 

Like that fuzzy leftover pasta in the back of your fridge, Congress’ committee tax is an oft-forgotten thing that will make you vomit.

Why therapy is so expensive. Also, if you can, you should see a therapist — and not just so you can concoct one of those self-care, “me, my friends, therapy, healthy eating habits” memes. 

Obama/Biden fanfiction is all fine and good, but hold onto your butts, because my Chris Coons manga will rock your world.  

Andrew Beaujon would like you to know the differences between scooters, mopeds, hover-boards, etc. This will be helpful when you file your damages suit against the teen who mowed you over on a Lime scooter. 

🎵This is ground control to major good boy🎵  Why the Soviets sent dogs into space while Americans used primates.  

How many hot takes can you squeeze into one article? Well, here’s a list of TV shows that should’ve ended sooner.

They all laughed at how I earmarked that contribution to the Committee to Protect Journalists, but then that BBC cameraman got hit in the crotch by an irate sheep so... who’s laughing now

... ALSO, I try to shy away from overtly adolescent content in this newsletter, but take a moment to contemplate that the BBC -- the BBC! --  published a video with the title, “Cameraman smacked in the nuts by angry sheep 😱” ...Now read it again in your best BBC English. 

In yet another instance of delayed female representation in Congress, here’s the story behind why a statue of Amelia Earhart was never delivered to the U.S. Capitol 

The WiFi password at this week’s GOP retreat was … very on brand.

Tips on bringing a baby to a bar

  1. Put a napkin over baby’s beer when baby is away. 

  2. Make sure baby has its payment method out and ready when flagging the bartender. Bartenders appreciate babies who don’t take too long with their order. 

  3. These other suggestions, from Eater.